I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
