you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
