You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
