The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
