OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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