Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
