WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
