I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
