you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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