it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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