just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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