your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
