I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize