Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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