from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He felt like a one man threesome
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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