FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
