I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish I only lived at night.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
