an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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