I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
