Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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