id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
