Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
