Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize