I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
