I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He better not be in your backpack
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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