my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
