ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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