So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
