Her vagina should come with caution tape.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
