And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
