The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
