the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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