how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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