I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
