He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
