Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
