i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize