What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
