Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize