the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
