I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
