Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
