so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
