all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
