yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
