just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
