Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
