i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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