The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
it hurts more in the daytime
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize