I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
