goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
