Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
