I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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