Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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