The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You are a genius and a whore.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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