it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
