Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
