I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
