Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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