We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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