Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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