Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
how drunk are you?
Several
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
