She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
