She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
