i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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