His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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