Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
