after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
