dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize