This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
