Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm like, not good at living.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
